An Updated White Perspective on #BLM
7/2/20
Hello there,
So, I took a bit of a break from blogging for the first time since I started. To be transparent, I have been in a complete war with myself over a number of things lately. However, right before I took a few weeks off, I received a private message asking me how I keep going every week even when I lose motivation. My answer was that I write these for others, not for myself. I write blogs to encourage and motivate and re-center those who read them. And so, as I sat back to think about where I am now and where I want to go, I highly debated stopping all together or changing the frequency of my posts. Had it not been for that brief conversation I had, I may have actually caved to the temptation of quitting.
The truth is? I am afraid of being wrong, insensitive, or hypocritical. I don’t want to be rash in my words and thoughts, I don’t want to mislead or misinform anyone. I struggle to accept that I am far from perfect and will never come close. And, therefore, I struggle to believe in the validity of my general voice and thoughts. But I am working on bettering that mindset.
I would like to address my most recent post, “A White Perspective on BLM.” I should have dug deeper before using the perspective example I went with. My brain runs to documentaries and things of that nature when I imagine seeing out of eyes different than my own and so the film “Five Feet Apart” stormed in. The movie is about a young woman with cystic fibroses and it completely changed the way I saw that disease and understood it. My thinking was more so along these lines: I don’t have CF and I will never understand the shoes they stand in, but that movie gave me a chance to understand it much better. And so, I compared the black experience in America to a life-long chronic disease. With that being said, I did not mean to imply that black and minority communities are physically less than or that those two experiences are even close to similar. My brain made an underdeveloped comparison between something like a physical disease that one has from birth and the chronic mental disease that is racism; an evil that painfully affects those that it oppresses. However, I should have considered more deeply how to communicate that better and I apologize. I thought about editing it out because I had the ability to do so, but felt it would be inauthentic to pretend I didn’t say it rather than just own up and say sorry.
Secondly, I mentioned how a lot of white people in and surrounding my generation are learning a lot of things for the first time and want to do better. While I was not taught many, many things about black history in America, I would still like to acknowledge that it is no excuse for me not to know them. While I didn’t truly understand the depths of prejudice and racism still within America, I have always had Google. I guess what I more so meant is that this specific period in time has revealed the true colors of many who otherwise kept their hateful thoughts to themselves. I had absolutely no idea how many people in power were exploiting and disregarding minority groups and so it never dawned on me to dig deeper; being someone that is not affected and not oppressed, it ran under my radar. The media, as you know, only showcases what it wants to. I have learned about countless things that I never knew before in these last few weeks that I had no idea about. Had I had any inkling whatsoever before now, I would have jumped into this discussion much sooner. I just simply didn’t register the severity and for that I apologize. I realize the importance in taking a second to slow down and look around more so now than I ever did before, with regards to this issue and ones I will encounter in the future. Being aware of things that effect my surroundings even if they don’t effect me directly is a life skill that has been brought into the forefront of my mind by the state of today’s world and I will continue to pursue it. I know many of my white friends feel the same way, I assure you that we are here now to learn and listen and support. Even if I wanted to close my eyes and pretend like I don’t know the things I know now, I would not be able to. And I do not wish to do that in the slightest.
Lastly, I watched a documentary that I believe everyone should watch. It is called 13th and you can find it on Netflix. If you take me up on anything I have ever suggested up to this point, I hope it will be this. Very few things have ever slapped me in the face so hard and I think everyone should be equipped with the knowledge it will give you about what lies within the shadows around us.
I have ordered in several books, I have been making a point to watch content that focuses on black communities, their perspectives, and to just be a student in general. I understand that I will never walk in your shoes and that none of this is about me. My entire point in my previous blog was not to draw attention to myself, but to start conversation. I also sent my blog to several trusted friends who belong to black and minority communities to gain their perspective and thoughts. Doing so in such a public forum was very scary for me, but I have promised from the start of my blogging journey to be transparent and speak from where I am. I knew that if I did not voice my thoughts, perfectly informed or not, that I would miss my blind spots and not be able to grow in the ways I would by opening myself up to critique. To those of you who spoke into that for me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am able to understand and to grow more because you were gracious enough to meet me where I was and push me to be better and see better.
With all of that being said, I will be taking my #BLM thoughts away from the public eye. But I assure you that I am reading, researching, and having discussions on my own time as well as taking whatever actions I can. I will share sometimes, but not in such a way that it draws attention to myself. I don’t want to make this about me and I don’t want the temptation to simply just share posts on my story to keep up with everyone else. While it isn’t bad to share resources, for me it feels like I am just checking off a social box sometimes. I feel pressured that if I don’t post on my story, I will appear to not support black and minority communities. I assure you that this is far from the case. I simply want the things I share to be completely authentic and purposeful. I also want to make sure that I fully know and feel confident supporting any resources that I share in the future.
With all of that being said, my blogs will return to my more typical content next week. I have been going through some internal battles and discovering a lot about life lately and I want to begin sharing those things with you all. I thank you for allowing me the space to be imperfect and vulnerable. If you have any topics that you would like for me to cover in coming weeks, I am opening the comments section in my website’s blog page from here on out. I was contacted by a reader who suggested I do so and after some thought, decided it was time I allow for public discussion on my blogs.
I love you guys. I appreciate you and wish all of you wellness and happiness.
Until next Sunday,
-Lexi Cummings