Have you outgrown something in your life? Tips on how to decipher your next steps.
Have you outgrown something in your life? Tips on how to decipher your next steps.
This one goes out to a great deal of the friends I’ve made in college! Not that they are the only ones facing this challenge; just perhaps truly facing it for the first time and in bulk.
I am no different, I am a senior at Lipscomb University. Through moving states away and being independent for the first time, I’ve seen change in my life much more rapidly than I ever have before. I’ve gotten to a place where while I don’t have a whole lot of life to look back on, there is enough of a chunk to see where I’ve grown out of some places and relationships.
I feel like the idea of “out-growing” something is seen with a negative connotation. In my opinion, it should not be. But in that same regard, it shouldn’t be used as a means to elevate yourself and put others down as some use it to do. Usually, it isn’t hard to tell the difference if you listen closely to someone.
When you are truly in a place of transition, things that once had a hold over you don’t anymore; you see what you want with more clarity or what you want has changed completely. And it stirs up everything in your life. Then we are faced with a choice- to stay complacent or to take a risky next step into the unknown?
There is no timeline to this- every journey happens differently and independently. Sometimes you feel that you aren’t ready for the next step, but life pushes you forward and you don’t have a choice. But when you look back, you can’t imagine being there again. And sometimes you take a dive off the cliff and everyone thinks you’re insane until it ends up working out for you later on.
While I look back at memories of high school, I would never in a million years want to return to that phase of my life. Nothing was particularly wrong with it, but I wasn’t half the person I am now. I may have been on my way to that person, but I wasn’t her yet. And I’ll say the same thing again in another four years. And another four years after that.
It’s scary and it’s fun. But mostly scary.
Sometimes we will get to the other side and realize how simple and good we really had it before. Sometimes the other side is challenging and it doesn’t feel better than where we used to be.
But I have good news!
YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY!💕
I’ve been hearing that phrase a lot recently from people with much more life on their side than I have. So I decided to really sit and think on it. While it sounds simple, do you truly believe this?
I challenge you to take a quick pause and ask yourself- Do you truly believe that no matter what the future holds, you will be okay? And what does okay mean to you? Is it a negative or a positive or a neutral?
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Okay, well I can’t know what your thoughts are from that. But I can tell you how I feel about those questions!
I may have just written a moment ago the exclamatory phrase you will be okay, but I don’t always believe it myself.
When I get to the end of a journey, whether it be in a career pursuit, a place, or a relationship, I drag my feet. I fear the consequences. I try to talk myself out of it for the sake of everyone but myself.
I am afraid to keep growing up and out of the next thing and then the thing after that and so on. I know that my future holds so many incredible moments but also painful moments, and I am afraid of pain. I am afraid of loss. I am afraid to reach the end of the line and I am afraid of what that looks like for me and the people I love.
I work on these fears mostly through prayer and intimacy with God, as it is a lack of faith at its core. One that I hate to admit and one that is hard for me to overcome. But not impossible either.
What does okay mean to me? Is it positive or negative?
It actually means quite literally what it says- okay. I’d love to just be okay. Because okay means you’re continuing forward and able to do so physically and mentally, even if you’re not always at your peak every day. Okay means you’re alive, fed, clothed, loved. Okay means that no matter the ups and downs, you’ve learned to find peace in the motions; a calm in the chaos. Okay may sometimes fluctuate between happy and sad, thriving and stuck, but it means you aren’t done yet.
So to the topic of outgrowing things: here are a few signs you may be at this point with something in your life:
You have grown numb to a task that once sparked your interest and something else has begun to grab your attention. Or you aren’t completely done with a passion, but you slowly and unexpectedly begin to love something else more.
You are in a relationship that used to feel even keeled but has gotten to a place where your trajectory has shifted away from theirs and you can feel the distance. Especially in your communication.
You start to feel like nurturing a passion that you can’t outrightly share at first because it may be misunderstood. You find yourself wanting to develop in new ways; ways that you never saw for yourself or didn’t know were possible.
You reach the height of your job. You have stability and everything you need, maybe even more. And yet, you aren’t satisfied. You crave challenge and a place where you can make a difference.
Your ambitions cannot be fulfilled by the environment around you, but you know of a place that can nurture whatever craft you aspire to.
These are very generic- you can the add specifics from your own life.
How to make sure that your growth isn’t rooted in a place that is not beneficial:
Confide in three people whom you feel have your best interest at heart. You don’t even have to know them deeply- it could be the teacher that is always nice to you or your best friends mom. It could be your favorite coffee shop barista. And honestly, asking people with less involvement in your personal life is almost always better because it won’t be as biased. Unfortunately, people can’t really help bias. So choose wisely.
Is your decision well thought out? Is the distance growing between you and the person/place something that happened all at once or slowly over time? Usually, it is one of those things where it happens slowly. And when you begin to notice it, you try to fix it because you don’t want to let go. And then find yourself unable to hold on anymore. It isn’t a power move or something that happens overnight. If you feel that it is for you, make sure and check your other motives before boldly making any decisions.
The person you’ve grown distant from- have you tried to break down the wall? Is it a misunderstanding or a lack on their part to grow with you? Have you basically gotten on your knees and begged them to look up, to smell the roses, and they utterly refuse? Do your opinions and beliefs lie on opposite sides of the spectrum whereas they never used to? Always try to navigate it first. Make a great attempt to try. And regardless of whether you determine this person good for your future or not, never burn the bridge. As much as you can possibly help it. If you don’t respectfully walk away, you haven’t outgrown anything. You have just poorly navigated a relationship.
Again, I could ramble forever. But I also don’t know it all and I could absolutely be wrong or not cover something deeply enough. So if you would like to add to this conversation, please shoot me an email on the contact page or message me on Facebook!
I would like to again state that I post all of these blogs in humility; I am 21 and far from the wisest person around. And even if I was 80, I’d still say the same thing. We are never done learning. I just have a passion to share where I am at now and what I’ve learned on my journey, even if it’s short so far. I love input and perspective, so please share yours with me!
Till next time,
Lexi Cummings
10/10/19 https://linktr.ee/lexigailmusic
