How to re-center on what you are capable of achieving!
Week 11: How to re-center on what you are capable of achieving!
So this week I asked you guys to speak into my blog! I posed the question:
“Do you think it stunts your growth when you’ve been told you can’t do something? Why or why not?”
Those who participated in the discussion were Andy, Agnes, Salah, David, CDP, Johnathan, Rose, Tiffany, and Kaitlyn! I just wanted to acknowledge them and also those who wished to remain anonymous because their input was greatly appreciated. :)
The responses I received ranged quite a bit, but the thing I noticed the most was not so much the effect of negativity on their actions afterwards, but on the posture that pain pushed their hearts into. While the larger majority of them claimed that they didn’t give up when faced with negativity about their potential, it still made the route to success longer or more lonely. Some also stated that the negativity was their biggest drive to continue forward, making them more successful than they would have been otherwise.
Several shared personal stories and specific moments from when they remembered a more distinct conflict. And I think that we can all relate to that feeling- it is a fact that negative words stick with you much longer and deeper than positive ones. As unfortunate as that is. But there is a deeper side of this that I need you to be aware of: There are subconscious effects from the more minor but consistent offenses on our mentality. And we may not see them right away.
For example, when I was about 10 years old, my parents signed me up for a few counseling sessions following the passing of a family member because the service was offered to us. I remember in the first meeting we had, I was given a written test with numbers I’d circle depending on how true the statement was to me. After I handed it back to the counselor and she read it over, I remember this concerned look on her face. I was deeply confused at what I’d done wrong. She asked me a few questions about what I’d circled, all relating to my self image, worth, and confidence. I guess the numbers didn't reflect healthy levels. But I just answered honestly as all children do and I didn't think twice about it. Not until a few years ago did I realize why it had upset her:
I not only had a poor view of myself because of the comments and actions I’d experienced while attending school, but I believed them whole heartedly and saw no problem with them. It didn’t hurt me or confuse me, they were simply facts that I accepted. The things my classmates said to me on a regular basis were my reality because I knew nothing else. Now, as a young adult, I’ve become much more aware of what is actually true and so I can look back on that session and understand what was so troubling about it.
Throughout my life I’ve been told what my talents are and aren’t, what my personality is and isn’t, where I will succeed and where I have no chance. But in the process of self reflection, I’ve noticed the incredible, life changing difference that comes when you stop waiting for someone else to tell you that you can or can’t do it. There is an untapped power in realizing that ONLY YOU can give yourself permission to succeed.
I’d like to leave you with a few personal prompts:
Make a list of any job, sport, hobby, or place that brings you life-giving joy.
What have you been told you are not capable of by others?
What have you been told you are capable of by others?
What comments have left you with a sting and who said them?
What comments have propelled you forward and who said them?
How much do you believe in your general potential 1-10?
How much do you love your body 1-10?
How much do you love your mind 1-10?
What are some good habits you have developed?
What are some bad habits that will stunt your growth?
Please feel free to copy and paste that list into a word document, note, or wherever you’d like and then fill it out. I do this kind of thing all the time! I’ve made lists of every hurtful comment that I can trace a belief in my head back to, I’ve made lists of things I do well and things I could do better, I’ve made lists of the people that truly support me for the last three years in a row and it has not once stayed the same. But by writing it all out, I can identify, accept, redirect, and move on.
There is power in writing out your thoughts, your pains and triumphs, where your heart is sitting right here and now.
You, my friend, are capable. You are capable of more than you could ever know. And unfortunately, the people you hold most dear have more than likely caused you to believe things about yourself that aren’t true. It is probably not intentional; it is how we all are. I bet you’ve done it to someone else, too. But this isn’t about a blame game: My biggest hope is for you to see that only YOU know you. Deep inside, to your core, with every moment that makes your heart skip a beat or sinks it like a boat with a gaping hole in the bottom.
You may not have the full picture of what you are meant for, but you have a gut feeling at every turn you take, decision you choose, and place you end up. Don’t let people who are in a single page of your book or even a few chapters of it define the narrative of your life.
Again, this all barely scrapes the surface of this topic. But I want to tell you that I appreciate you for reading this far and for considering what I’ve said. Please answer those questions from above and then in a few months, do it again. Keep growing, evolving, and learning to love every twist and turn that is your story. Because it is beautiful and powerful. And so are you.
Till next Sunday,
Lexi Cummings 12/5/19
