You. Can’t. Fix. People.

You. Can’t. Fix. People.

1/31/20

Hi! So this week, I had someone reach out to me about the topic I will be covering. I wasn't positive exactly what I should say about it at first, but then I realized how close to my heart it truly was. And so, I am going to talk to you all about responsibility.

Choices, choices, choices. We all make so many that we don’t even realize we are doing it sometimes. We make a choice to get out of bed every morning, to go to school or work, to hold the door open for the person walking in behind us, how much cream to pour into our coffee. But not all choices are good choices, and some have much more drastic consequences than others.

At the end of the day, our paths are heavily determined by our life choices whether we like that or not. If you don’t like it, that just may mean you need to make a few adjustments and turn your story around. Because our story is driven or halted by what we choose to do. And something that bugs me particularly in the Christian faith is how people use God’s ultimate control over their destiny as an excuse to stop growing. Now, let me explain that statement because it isn’t black and white:

While, yes, God is in control, think in terms of creation: we are co-creators with God. And from my experience thus far in life, I have found that destiny is a combination of both God’s desires for us and our ability to submit to His will.

I have seen so many people miss out on incredible things because they wanted control over their future and, therefore, shut down potential blessings in the name of sticking with what they know or think is safe. And yet, after they’ve gone down a darker road, they write it off by saying that regardless of their choices, God will still get them to wherever they are meant to be. But nothing ever changes after that.

This may be controversial, but I believe that it is false to cling to this idea in most cases. And here is why…

Have you ever noticed how the most successful, driven, motivated, compassionate people are often the ones under constant attack? Facing tragic deaths of those close to them, loosing everything they have, being hated by the world, targeted, lonely, misunderstood, etc. It seems as though when you are in a state of growth as a human being, you are never able to be comfortable because of these random life things that attack you from all sides. It becomes much easier to settle and stay still than it is to keep pushing forward. But they do so because they find the result to be worth more than the pain and risk it takes to get there.

The other thing I’ve noticed- people who sit still often don’t have this continual battle whatsoever. If you have settled into your substance addiction, nothing life altering will stop you from continuing unless your health fails or you hurt someone under the influence. If you settle for a relationship that is toxic, you begin to accept it and life keeps going. If you have an opportunity to move or rise in position at your job and you say no, things just don’t change. And while hardships may pop up every so often, in general, nothing really changes. And you don’t either.

My larger point- Satan focuses his attacks on people that push forward to attain a goal and desire to overcome him. He leaves people alone who take care of his dirty work for him.

God gives us avenues, blessings, opportunities. Do you take care of them? Do you water and grow them daily? Or do you neglect them? Many people don’t realize the true abundance in their lives because they cause their own drought. If you are presented with good friends who will support you and you choose to chase the party crowd instead of them, you will miss out. Not because everyone who likes to party is a bad person, but because parties don’t really create or sustain a beneficial community. Party culture doesn’t encourage an emotional support system. And if your friends most often hang out with you while under the influence of something, they aren’t capable of really being your friends. This is only one random example of what I mean- this concept pertains to your success in school, your success in the workplace, your success in relationships of all sorts. Do you pour yourself into things/people that are beneficial or dead ends? Because those are your only two options when you really think about it.

Ultimately, we have to realize that we are responsible for ourselves. And only ourselves.

We are not here to change other people, to make them see the light that they turned away from, to bring them up to our level. But we have a responsibility to continually level up ourselves. We are our choices, good and bad. We can choose to quit bad habits, to start good ones. We can choose to get out of our comfort zones or to stay in them. We can choose to overcome our fears or submit to them. We can choose to believe or not to believe. We can choose hope or choose to give up. But we cannot make these choices for any other human being, no matter how much we wish that we could.

But hear me say this- I encourage you to hold people accountable. When you see a close friend falling off the rails, make a great effort to bring them back. When someone is hurting and struggling, be there. Be honest, be loving, be present. But if you find that you are repeatedly being dragged down, hurt, dissed, ignored, pushed away, drained, and miserable because of this person, your valiant efforts would be better used elsewhere.

I will be the first to admit I am guilty of pouring myself into hopeless causes. But the thing I realized is that I can only give so much of myself away before I am suddenly empty. And then I am useless to the cause that desperately needed the energy I just wasted somewhere else. So do this instead: pour yourself into broken people with their arms wide open, not with their arms crossed. The challenge of resistance may appear enticing at first, but it brings you down eventually and wastes your good intentions/efforts.

Again, it comes down to a choice- where are you planting your seeds? Are you watering them? Are they beneficial or destructive? Will they grow you or choke you?

Each one of us is given choices. So very many choices. And we cannot expect ourselves to make them all correctly. In fact, I fail daily in the choices I make even if it is something small. I am messy, jealous, judgmental, sad, bitter, and broken. But I am also loving, determined, loyal, happy, patient, forgiving, and actively healing. Ultimately, it is up to me to own the good and bad decisions I make. It is up to me to say sorry when I am wrong or to walk away when I am no longer valued. It is up to me to avoid toxic things and situations. It is up to me to encourage others and to never give up on my dreams. It is up to me to decide each day that I will live. I will take care of myself, I will wake up in the morning and I will get out of my bed. Whether it is hard sometimes or not.

You. Can’t. Fix. People.

You can, however, fix yourself. You should, in fact, fix yourself. Because we all have room to improve and not one of us is an exception to that. It’s up to you and nobody else to aid God in reaching for your destiny.

God cannot give you blessings that you will not steward well. Think about how many people around you are living without really living even if they are breathing and their hearts are pumping. That number is sickening and hard to stomach. And it hurts to see life being wasted away, pains never being healed, potential being unused, energy being spent on the wrong people and places. All while they continue to sit still. All while Satan grips their lives silently and they don’t even realize it; satan is not only in the business of temptation, but also of lost potential. His deception keeps many individuals from the fullness of what they could be and who they could love.

Don’t be the person who tries to fix people. And don’t be the person other people feel like they need to fix. Take care of yourself first and foremost, take responsibility for your life. Go seek help if that is what you need. Step away from a toxic situation if that is what you need. Go hide for a week and figure yourself out alone if that’s what you need. Because ultimately, only you know. And if you don’t know, that means you need help. With that being said, be someone with arms wide open to receiving that help, not someone with arms crossed. Let’s all help each other without dragging anyone else down. Let’s all take responsibility for ourselves first before we take on anything else.

See you next week,

Lexi Cummings

PS: Just a quick note- your choices may define your growth but they do not define your worth. No matter what you do, you are worthy. You are valued. You are loved. And nothing you do could ever take that away! :)