What I’ve learned from my early 20’s
Hello everyone!
So for those of you who don’t know, July 18th is my birthday and I am now 25! That number feels like a bit of a milestone and it’s got me thinking about how chaotic that first half decade really is. For all I know, the rest could be just as crazy if not more. 😅 We shall see! Nonetheless, I wanted to share some things I’ve learned in the last 5ish years of my life:
Freedom reveals character
I’ve heard it said before that in your early adult years, people come and go like flies. What I didn’t expect was that some of those flies would be childhood best friends, family members, and people who promised me forever in some way, shape, or form.
You find that as you grow, sometimes you grow apart. But this wasn’t as common or drastic during my schooling years because we were all on such similar paths for a very long time. We were under the authority of our families and their rules. But then the day comes where you graduate from high school and/or college and the floor falls through for a lot of us!
I’ve found that in that freedom, not everyone who previously aligned with me does anymore. Some of us move far away, some of us get into serious relationships, some of us want to test out lots of random waters and some of us don’t. We all develop our own reasons and our own faith systems. I’ve seen many friends question their previous faith, adopt a new one, or change any number of core beliefs that they previously held. It is a decade of finding yourself and that shows up in lots of various ways!
A lot of things change rapidly
I took notes on nearly every industry person I met throughout college and reading them back, I don’t remember half of them. I write down lists of people who I want to invite to parties or keep up with and after even just a few months, I read it back and wonder at what point I was close enough to someone to add them. Haha. There is a lack of familiarity being outside of a system like school. And I think for those first few years we are very transient as we try out multiple jobs, move around until we find a good niche, date people, make new friends, etc. It has given me a wake up call to just how precious every person in my life is. And I do a lot more now to nurture and build relationships than I ever have before!
I think until we find a longterm partner (if we go that route), settle into some friendships, and find a consistent career, we feel a bit rootless. My church community has helped to give me a sense of belonging but it being a youthful congregation means a lot of the same things. Many of them are just moving to town or about to move away, lots of people go home over summers or holidays, etc. While there is consistency, there is still some chaos! And there is a unique beauty to it; all of us slowly falling into place.
I think what I am gleaning from this season of life is that even when the surplus amount of change slows down, that change will never actually end. I’ve discovered a deep desire within myself to have community around me that I can count on, but I am also learning how to let go when someone is feeling called to move away or leave a job or any number of things happen. Change is a constant and I continue to learn that the present is often the best place to be.
Almost everything gets better with time
I used to feel like every riff was the end of the world. Like if I had an issue with one of my parents, I would never be on good terms with them again. Like if I ended up heartbroken after a relationship, I would never be able to move on. But as I’ve continued living, that is never the case! I’ve been reading a book by Tim Keller called “The Secret of Marriage” and a very interesting statistic he included refers to marriages that choose to stick out bad years. Essentially, those couples who stuck out a few consecutive bad years almost without fail found that things resolved and got stronger. This doesn’t apply to abusive situations or relationships without any active effort, but that statistic has given me a much more grounded reality of what it looks like to water what’s around me rather than keep constantly leaving in search of greener grass.
We are all in very different seasons of life
I am seeing friends with babies, friends getting married, friends staying single, friends traveling, leaving their careers, going back to school, etc. The varying degrees to which we all find ourselves functioning is so interesting to me! I love learning about life from my friends who are in different places than I am. And I also love that I can become friends with people who are younger or older than me! In school everyone is about the same age but in the real world, we get exposed to so many people in different life stages. It is something I’ve truly enjoyed leaning into.
I see a lot of my fellow 20 somethings get scared of consistency. Scared of commitment to a job or to a partner, scared of settling into any sort of lifelong rhythm. Even things like adopting a fitness routine can scare us. And to be very frank- us is me. Lol. Adding anything new to my life or choosing a firm path is very heavy for me because I am learning to weigh responsibility properly. The decisions I make are decisions I mean with every cell in my body and I am learning how to adjust that when necessary. Some categories of life like employment have wiggle room. But other areas like a boyfriend/husband? I don’t mess around there. 😂 That could use up an entire blog in itself as to why that is. And don’t even get me started on how absolutely terrifying the thought of being a mother is hahaha.
Point is, some decisions hand you much more severe consequences and bigger responsibilities. Some things are meant to change and shift over time, some things are not. While you can grow with a person, I don’t view any relationship in my life as temporary. I do whatever I can to walk with people unless they reject it or force me to. Houses can be bought and sold, jobs can raise your salary or compete with each other for your skillset, but people will never be replaceable. So I’ve been leaning into that as I go!
I am sure there are so many other things I could say, but I will leave it there for today. I hope that for anyone reading, whether you’re going to be my age one day, already are, or used to be, that you resonate in some way! My summary is truly just to embrace every moment, stay in the present, love people like you’ve never known hurt before, and exercise your freedom while still holding responsibility for your decisions. The 20’s are a very hard and nuanced decade for a LOTTT of us and from those I’ve talked to, rarely did we feel prepared for it. Haha. So let’s stick together and make it beautiful! There is so much growth to be had and I love how free we are, even when we may not feel like it. I’ve come to term this season as being a baby adult. And I stand by that. 😂 I am here if anyone needs a friend, have a beautiful day!
-Lexi C