How to Get Over Someone
7/2/20
Hey guys! I have had a few requests from you all regarding this week’s topic. And so, we will be talking about how to read whether or not someone is interested in you as well as how to act accordingly!
While it is impossible to say for certain without knowing the particular situation, here are some signs that typically indicate someone does not reciprocate your feelings. This can be someone new to your life or someone you’ve known for years, it just depends!
1. Your presence doesn’t affect them in any particular way. It doesn’t make them happy or nervous, nothing really changes when you are there or when you aren’t.
2. You aren’t a priority. They may not respond to you or take hours/days to get back to you. Meanwhile, they are actively on social media or you know they are replying to other people, even approaching them first.
3. They don’t make plans with you anymore or seem interested in talking to you. Maybe you used to be close or go on adventures together, but now they always have an excuse and something better to do that doesn’t involve you.
4. They are easily set off and impatient with you. Say you are being playful or even just trying to start a conversation with them, but you can tell that your mere presence is an annoyance to them.
5. Your quirks are frustrating to them. They don’t like your laughter; they get annoyed at the way you sip a drink or chew your food. They pick apart most everything you say and are demeaning towards you in general. Basically, you can’t do anything right even when you aren’t doing anything wrong.
6. Physical touch is likely out of the question. You could accidentally brush past them and they will wince. If you end up on their side of the room, they’ll make an effort to walk to the other side away from you.
7. Their interactions with you are all about them. Say you are having a conversation; it is likely that you only talk about their interests or their stories. When you start chiming in, they lose interest instantly. Say you are listening to music; it is likely what they want to hear. When you want to play them a song you enjoy, their interest vanishes again. They may ask you to go on a walk or go to the store with them, but the second you invite them to do something with you, they decline. Basically, this person is selfish. They only participate in things that benefit them, even if it hurts you. They allow you to be there for them but do not attempt to return the favor.
8. They are inconsistent. Sometimes they show an interest, but then they take it away instantly. It gets to the point a lot of times where you are so used to being rejected by them that the smallest thing feels like a step forward. But in reality? It is just turning into manipulation whether they intended for it to or not.
These are some basic concepts I have seen and experienced over the years. You have to realize that not every person who treats you in this way even means to and it doesn’t always make them a bad/toxic person, sometimes people just aren’t meant for you. In that same respect, people may handle you poorly for a variety of reasons. They could be truly busy, emotionally unavailable, insecure, fearful of rejection, holding resentment towards you, or a number of other things. If someone in your life is treating you in the ways I described above, a conversation is the best approach. People deserve the chance to explain their intentions or lack thereof before you decide on a course of action. While not everyone will even respond, the fact that you tried is all the information you need. If they avoid having a conversation or brush it off with reasoning that you know is false, let them go and move on.
With that being said, here are a few tips that can help you move on once you’ve determined that a relationship is no longer valuable to your life. This can apply to a crush, a friend, a partner, anyone who is not making you a priority and putting equal effort into you.
1. Remove yourself from their presence as much as you can, if not all together. For some of you, I realize that this may be near impossible. Especially if the person you are struggling with is in your living quarters. Do what you can, but if you apply this in a situation where you can’t get out, it will likely appear petty rather than productive. So, act accordingly; if you have the means and flexibility to create distance, do so. If not, I would think of a future strategy to start implementing as soon as the opportunity arises.
2. Stop reaching out first. If they say something to you, it is up to your discretion whether or not it warrants a response. Again, if this is a person you cannot easily avoid, be respectful and reasonable. If it is someone you don’t have to communicate with, then don’t. If they want to hang out or invite you into activities that they would decline if you were the one asking, then you decline as well.
3. Stand up for yourself. Don’t tolerate any mocking, disrespect, attitude, or judgment. Put them in their place with a calm tone and walk away. People often either want an emotional reaction from you or they want you to allow their poor treatment. If you are cool, collected, and firm, they won’t know what hit them. Not everyone will respect you, so teach them how to. Even though it isn’t your job, it also isn’t okay to react immaturely or to allow them to continue disrespecting you.
4. If this is someone you have romantic feelings for, find a way to stop thinking about them. I have heard people suggest that you should focus on their negative qualities or on the ways in which your connection with them just doesn’t work. However, for myself, I have found that those things don’t help- I may see the bad in people, but I just as quickly have a roadmap developed in my mind that will get them to a healthier place. No matter how often I imagine the negatives, my mind doesn’t change. It is not so hard to stop believing in a current circumstance as it is to suffocate the hope that one day, it could turn around and be all you’d once imagined. In other words, I am an utterly hopeless romantic. If you are like me, you need to find a distraction. Don’t take it too far, but start opening your mind up to other possibilities again. It is easy to get stuck on one thing, so don’t let yourself. Get to know other people, go on a few dates, pinch yourself when you think about the wrong person. Or maybe do some push-ups, I don’t know. Do something productive!
5. Remember your value. There is someone for everyone and I firmly believe in that. If you haven’t found your people or your person, don’t give up. Love yourself enough to realize that until you walk away, the right people can’t walk into your door. There may be someone around who you never noticed before because you were so focused on someone else, you never know. Love yourself enough to keep your eyes open and to keep your standards high. You are seen as a gift to the people who will value you. Don’t waste your energy on those who will never appreciate it and run yourself dry before you get to the people that actually care about you.
While I say all of this, I should also mention that it is a two-way street. I bet that if you have a person making you feel undervalued, you could be doing the same thing to someone else. If you are, evaluate the situation. Are there people you need to apologize to, take more interest in, and love better? If so, do that. Are there people you need to let go of so that you stop hurting/using them? If so, do that. This all boils down to honoring your circle, your community, and yourself. Your life should circulate energy all around; having holes in it will cause greater stress on other parts. No crush or friend or partner is worth letting that precious time and effort of yours disappear. You don’t get it back. Be strong and choose wisely, my friends. Love you all very much!
-Lexi Cummings
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