Short Story One: A New Heart
Hey friends!
You may have noticed that I have been pretty silent this last month. That is because I have been working on a short story! It definitely took me longer than I anticipated so I am sorry for my absence. But if you like to read my writing in other formats, such as this, PLEASE let me know. If so, I will do more in the future!
Love y’all. :)
…
The floor felt like cold, smooth marble underneath my feet. Except for the glass shards that had been launched into my skin- they made my journey quite uncomfortable. My hands traced along the walls, giving a sense of direction to the complete darkness. I continued to walk forward slowly due to wincing pain rather than a sense of caution. The space smelled like dew sitting on morning flowers mixed with something extremely rotten- something that had been dead for a while. I can’t quite explain it to this day; the way that tunnel could be composed of such distinct and opposing scents.
I had destroyed my lantern a few hours prior. As I continued forward, I had no sense of direction and no way to tell if the end of my quest was near. Though the light tried to float in front of me, leading the way as it had before the tunnel ever came into sight, I stopped trusting it. After all, it led me into the darkness to begin with. So I grabbed hold of it and decided to lead myself; not realizing how heavy it truly was.
My arm grew more fatigued with each passing minute. When I ran out of strength, I commanded the lantern to float in front of me again, to burn brightly and lead my way- but it did not heed my desperate anger. The light grew softer with each burst of emotion I hurtled towards it. I forcefully threw it to the ground and it shattered; covering the space around me in broken glass.
I grew more angry with the light after I destroyed it- Why did I follow it to begin with? Why didn’t I question when it led me here? If it was truly in my best interest, wouldn’t it have led me out by now or avoided this dark space entirely? And not to mention, it stunted my pace. I was reminded of my doubt, of my weakness, of my anguish with each painful stab. But I continued forward blindly. I wanted to run, but I was incapable of speed after walking through the glass shards.
As I took another slow step, I found that my toes landed over some sort of cliff. I had enough leverage to keep my balance and did not fall forward; I got down on my knees to feel around the area. I tried to reach across it, but the hole was vast and I couldn’t find the end of its dimensions. I began to crawl along the border when my ears were pierced with the most blood-curdling frequency I’d ever heard; my ears rang instantly followed by a sharp pain. The sound didn’t stop, but grew closer and closer; louder and louder. My heart leapt outside of my body and into the empty floor. I immediately reached after it, screaming in anguish to no avail. It was gone.
The sound passed over my head shortly after and dissipated as it went off into the distance; but my heart was now lost in a dark hole that had no defined bottom. I needed my heart- I knew I’d be better off dead than living without it. I began to sob with my hands still pressed against my ears, sending my torso forward and propelling me into the pit as well. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes and streamed up the sides of my face as I soared downward. I had lost my guiding light, my strength, and now my heart. I plummeted towards oblivion feeling emptier than I’d ever been before. I cursed the lantern that led me to this place, that brought me to my demise, that drug me to the very lowest point of my existence. I hated it. I hated myself for ever believing in it. I closed my eyes with no fear for whatever remained, figuring rock bottom was the only option I had left.
The next thing I remember was a dimly lit room- a cave with jagged pieces hanging from the ceiling and lit torches placed irregularly along the walls. The air was humid and sweltering. I began to hyperventilate because every breath I inhaled was hot, giving my brain the illusion that there was no oxygen in the air. I wondered where I was and if I was still alive or if I was dead. It appeared as though I was physically unharmed even though I had no idea how; it made no logical sense. I tried to move my arms only to discover chains hooked around my wrists and nailed to the floor. Everything was blurry for a few moments, but I could hear wheels whining in the distance and smell the fowl stench of death more strongly than I had before.
As it drew nearer, I could finally see the outline of two figures appear in front of me- One pushing the other forward on what appeared to be a wooden structure. There was a long vertical strip crossed by a smaller horizontal one that had been etched into the upper half. One of the men was suspended upon it by nails driven through his hands and feet. And though I had never seen him face to face before, I knew instantly who he was as if it was engrained in the DNA of my being- “Rohi?” I choked as the name fell from my lips and timidly echoed across the room. “My child.” he replied fondly. A thorn crown had been placed upon his head, a mixture of dry blood and dirt were matted all over his body, a gaping wound was in his side. “Why have you come to this place? I was with you in the darkness, guiding your path. I was the glass in your feet, warning you to tread with caution. And yet, I could not stop you. So I took your place as you were falling.” he said with an anguish that cut right through me- Rohi was the lantern guiding me? I had dismissed him so brutally… How is it that he was with me all along, but still, I never truly knew him? And why would he save me even though I rejected him?
A deep, heinous laughter broke out from the second figure and recoiled violently against the walls. A chill ran through my body and my jaw began to chatter as he stepped from behind the wooden cross- Apollyon. “You don’t believe a word he says, do you? Every move you make becomes a guilt trip, some act of ‘kindness’ that you will never be able to pay back just so he can hold it over you. You’ll never be able to live up to those standards and you shouldn’t have to! Look at me- I am not covered in my own filth, nailed to a tree and left to die. Only guilty people end up on a cross.” he ranted. I was utterly astonished by his outward appearance. He was clothed in silk robes of purple and gold, crowned in precious stones. His eyes were composed of a bright green with red speckles dancing inside and his hair was dark brown with soft, shiny waves just brushing the top of his collarbones. He had a fair complexion, a defined jaw line, and was pristinely clean. I was instantly drawn to his beauty; perplexed by just how mesmerizing his presence was.
He held what appeared to be a box covered with a cloth. He motioned his hand and a stone podium rose up in front of me, allowing him to then place it on top. “If you won’t take my word for it, just look at your heart. See with your own eyes what he has done to you…” and then the cloth was gone, leaving me mortified by the disgusting entity that sat before me- my face boiled more so than it already had been, I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach and move up through my body only to exit violently through my mouth; my throat was left raw and my nose burning as I coughed up the last of whatever was left inside of me.
The heart was composed of charred flesh, boils, and deep cuts. It seemed much smaller than I imagine a healthy heart would be and it was grossly misshapen. “Rohi- is he telling the truth? Did you do this to me?” I challenged, full of agony and confusion. “Why do you test me with such twisted lies? Apollyon is the master of deception. He leads you to believe that I made your heart into these ruins? No, my beloved. Many broken paths have brought you to this place. He tells you that I am not who I say I am and cannot offer you healing without trapping you into debt… He blames me for the state of your fragmented heart when I have come to give you my eternal heart in its place! I have come to take your name off of this cross and give you everlasting life instead!” “Oh, is that really your best argument, Rohi? You false teacher and fallen spirit!” Apollyon exclaimed before turning his gaze towards me, piercing into my soul and speaking with a hushed but eager tone- “Listen to me… He is the liar. There is nothing wrong with your heart, my dear friend. He has been playing these tricks with human kind ever since they were created; I was there when he set them up to fail and threw them out of the garden. I was there when he cursed them with ailments and diseases and sent plagues to destroy them for sheer entertainment. I have seen the way in which he saturates culture after culture in temptations, only to destroy entire nations when they stumble. Is that the kind of king you want to follow? Do not discard your heart, embrace it! Let me repair it- I will make it beautiful again. I will make YOU beautiful again. Your desires will all come true and your life will be marked by riches and dignity. You will never want for anything ever again if you follow me.”
There was a deafening silence; I continued to hold Apollyon’s gaze, searching for anything that could help me to decipher his intentions. That couldn’t be true- could it? I broke down and let my face fall towards the floor, covering the back of my neck with both hands once I hit the ground. The chains on my wrists felt like a hot iron branding my skin, but I could barely acknowledge the pain in my overwhelmed state.
Rohi began to speak to me in a soft, soothing voice, “Love is not truly love without the freedom to choose it- Yes, I knew that humanity would fall in the garden, but nonetheless I created them with the ability to decide for each their own path. There is no fruit amongst relationships that are obligatory. But you see, the human heart was not created to hold the knowledge of good and evil- this is because all good is composed of my spirit who works in your favor and all evil is composed of the enemy who seeks to destroy you. When Apollyon was welcomed in, it separated us. You became constructed of two spirits that will wage war for eternity; as you cannot serve one without rejecting the other. The Father knew that every heart would be pre-disposed to wickedness, no longer able to stand in the presence of their holy Creator who longs for them. And so when you rejected me, I chose you again! I came to live blameless and endure the cost of all wickedness upon this very tree. My battle has never been against you, my child- but against the one who seeks to condemn the creation I love. Now tell me- would you be able to light a previously burnt match when starting a new fire? Would you wrap a new wound in an old bandage? In this same way, would you want to restore an entity that depreciates daily rather than adopt one that is refined daily? I died in order to give you a heart that would never end, if only you choose to accept it.” I lifted my head to examine Rohi, noticing again his wounds and the worn expression in his eyes. They were so kind, so warm. I realized for the first time just how broken I had become… I always saw myself in opposition to the Creator, never being able to measure up to his standards. I saw myself as the one in control, knowing the best direction for my own life. And even when I had cast him out in vain, he sent glass to slow my pace and protect me from myself. He saved me when I fell. He took the punishment of death for my shortcomings even though I didn’t know him at all. He chose me no matter how many times I rejected him.
For my entire existence I bought into the lie that if I served God, I had no choice, power, or say. But Rohi opened my eyes to see that while I may not get to call all of the shots, I hold what may be an even greater weight- the ability to choose. Would I choose the spirit of love or the spirit of hate? I locked eyes with him before speaking firmly into reality, “I choose to accept your heart, Jehovah Jireh. Rid me of this diseased one that I have been too afraid to let go of.”
The walls began shaking, matter falling from the ceilings, the temperature rising, deep bellows chasing each other around the dimensions of the space from Apollyon- he ripped his clothing and his stature tripled in size as the true form of his body emerged. His skin became ash and his eyes blood red, fire shooting forth from them in rage. His hands transformed into knives and his spine curved forward dramatically. Suddenly, he paused and turned towards me with a glare that sought utter destruction before charging. “In the name of my Father in Heaven, I command you return to the depths of Hell that you belong to!” spoke Rohi, now surrounded in a light so brilliant I cowered in fear- with robes of stainless white and beauty beyond earthly comprehension. Apollyon whined and begged for mercy as his power was depleted, disappearing into thin air almost instantaneously.
Rohi’s true form was blinding for several moments before I felt a soft breeze and the familiar sensation of grass underneath my hands and feet. I looked down to see that my feet were healed and up to see the sun again; I could finally breath. Suddenly, I saw him in the distance approaching- sitting next to me on the ground once he arrived. He was in the form of man again, clean but not without the marks of his wounds still visible.
“Jehovah, can I ask you some questions?” I prompted. He shyly looked down at the grass and smiled. “Of course you can.” he replied. “Why did you bring me into the tunnel? How could you lead me into a place like that?” He looked up and into the distance, his eyebrows making the smallest crease in his forehead while he reflected. “Would you have found me if I hadn’t?” I was immediately struck with silence, a lump welling up in my throat. “I suppose I would not have. I would have gone on just as I had before.” He paused for another moment, “You should know that I do not find any pleasure in your suffering. But some of the only moments in your life where you have had a full perspective and an open heart are in those places of discomfort- Would you be able to truly trust me if you had never seen me work in those trials for your good? Love is a choice, but not just any choice- it is strengthened only in hardships and refined only in fire. It is weak without testing and insincere without consistency. So sometimes we will have to walk through dark places together, but the more you rely on me, the lighter your burdens will be in those times.” We sat together in silence for several minutes. There was a quality of peace about his demeanor, a healing energy that surrounded his being. The wind softly brushed the blades of grass around our feet.
“I have one more question for you- well, two in one... 1. Why do you give us commands that you said yourself we will never be able to follow? 2. Why is there a right and a wrong?” He turned his body to face mine, looking directly at me. “Well, to answer both: Because I love you. Think of yourself as a small child- The goal of every parent is to protect their children so that the joy they have can remain unhindered. If you walk too close to the cliffs edge, they will scold you so that you do not do it again. If you try to place your hand in a burning fire, they will scold you so that you do not do it again. Their rules are not designed to hurt you, but to keep you safe and protect both your body and spirit from harm. They often worry so that you do not have to. And every parent knows that regardless of the efforts they make, their children will still get hurt. But they are there to pick you up when you fall regardless. In this same way that a parent loves a child and works for their best interest, in ways seen and unseen, imagine how much your Father in Heaven who is without blemish and all-knowing cares for you! You see, sin is not black and white. It is not about a punishment system or walking a perfectly straight line only to be condemned when you fail. Whenever I command you to abstain from worldly things, to avoid lust and envy and hatred, it is because there is more for you when you follow my ways. As I have mentioned- there are two forces battling for your heart. The enemy seeks to mutilate whereas I seek to build. But be encouraged! For even the attacks Satan intends for your demise will be used for the greater purpose I have for you. Even when you fall short, I will work all things for good. With my heart, you will learn to walk away from worldly desires. You will have freedom; a peace that radiates beyond understanding. You will become a beacon of light in a lost world! You will be fulfilled, free from the chains that Satan attempts to bind you in. For you are mine and I am yours- beyond this life and into eternity!”
My heart felt warm in a way I had never known before. The lies I had clung to for so long melted away and a new understanding began emerging within me. We talked for a while after that, about random things and silly things. We laughed and we cried and even came up with a few inside jokes while we were at it; Rohi truly was my best friend and the home my heart had always searched for without even realizing it.
“I must be on my way now, there is much work left for me to do!” he said. We both stood up and faced each other for a moment. “Will I see you soon?” “Sooner than you know. Until then, share my love with everyone you come across. Time is fleeting and near to its end! You have many brothers and sisters who do not yet know me, but I know them. And I long for them to accept my heart in the way that you did before I return once more!” I hugged him and held on for dear life, probably a bit tighter than was comfortable but he didn’t complain. “I love you, thank you.” I said. He pulled away after a moment and put both of his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes, “I love you too, more than you will ever know. And I will see you soon!”
The clouds opened and he ascended; a soft glow surrounded his earthly frame as he rose higher and higher. Eventually, the clouds closed behind him and he was gone. At least physically, that is. His spirit has lived in my new heart ever since. The lantern that used to exist outside of me was now within- an instrument that could never be destroyed again. And until my dying breath, I will share this story in hopes that the love that found me will be multiplied beyond comprehension, touching every corner of the earth and bringing all who are lost back home.
Apollyon — Greek for “destroyer,” used to describe Satan in scripture.
Jehovah Jireh — The lord will provide.
Jehovah Raah (Rohi) — Shepard.
New Cloth on Old Garment - Mark 2:21-22 “No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”
