3. What Makes A Man Husband Material
12/10/20
Hey friends! :)
Welcome to part three in my relationship series! I had initially planned to write out 15 qualities and keep the format consistent with that of last week, but the more I kept trying to write, the more I knew that I was doing it all wrong.
Ultimately, the qualities I listed last week for wives aren’t all that different from how husbands should be. Selfless, kind, disciplined, ambitious, supportive, mature, etc. So I sat back for a moment and thought- what makes my list unique? What makes it stand out from any article you can find on the internet? And I realized I was going to have to give up on keeping my perspective surface-level; It had to come straight from my mind or else it wouldn’t work.
In all honesty, love has been a rocky road. I stopped praying for my future spouse a long time ago. I stopped thinking about what a good man would look like, about a future family, about anything besides my career. Some of this was rooted in bitterness but it was mostly rooted in fear- I was afraid that my expectations were too high and I was asking for more than I’d ever be able to find. I figured I would stop wanting the things I wanted so that if they weren’t meant for me after all, I wouldn’t be as disappointed.
On the evening of October 9th, I don’t know exactly what prompted me but I felt called to pray for whoever my husband would be. And that lead me to write a list on November 3rd of what I am looking for in a relationship. I would say those two dates are the beginning of a new journey for me; one where the way I view myself, a potential partner, and a future family is much healthier and more informed than ever before. And this doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy if it never comes, but more so that I am surrendering to God’s plan for my life instead of my own.
I am sure this list isn’t 100% perfect or all encompassing, but it focuses on the internal qualities I value most. I hope that my girls out there would agree with me on a majority of these things!
I never planned to share this list publicly or to be more vulnerable in this particular blog, but it’s where this week has brought me. So here is a straight up copy and paste from my journal without any editing. 😂 Here goes!
The things I need in a partner: 11/3/20
Truly God-centered.
Someone who loves to talk about their faith, live their faith, grow in their faith. Someone whose top priority is finding someone who shares this quality.
Spontaneous.
Someone who sees opportunities in every day life to make it more meaningful and full. Someone who sees ways to serve others and to create lifelong moments out of ordinary routines. Someone who knows that the best opportunities are the ones right where our feet are currently planted. Someone who makes the mundane into a fun adventure.
Joyful.
Someone who has a heart of light. Someone who shares that light everywhere they go without even realizing they do it. Someone who knows the difference between happiness and joy- that joy is a spirit more so than an emotion. They will have bad days, seasons, and moments. But they will be grounded in the fact that life is beautiful and trials sew fruits to be harvested later.
Servant-hearted.
Someone who reads others well and knows how to make people feel seen, taken care of, and known. Not in a way that becomes manipulative, but in a way that shows a genuine interest and concern for the well being of others. Someone you don’t have to repeat yourself to a million times for them to understand what you need and to joyfully take care of you.
Loyal.
Someone who doesn’t make you question yourself constantly. Someone who makes you feel safe whether you are next to them or a thousand miles away. Someone who is consistent- who shows up when they say they will, who calls when they say they will, who lets you in to every piece of their hearts. Someone who wants to be a lifelong partner- who understands the weight of love and has the capacity to embrace what it means to love someone through every season without wavering. Someone who doesn’t sway with every twist and turn of life, who is constant and secure. Someone you can rely on in times of trouble rather than worry about losing.
Thoughtful.
Someone who thinks about the bigger things in life- who isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions. Someone who isn’t afraid of doubt, of failure, of discovering their shortcomings and working to be better. Someone who is interested in personal growth and in deep conversation. Someone who isn’t shy to explore topics and other points of view. Someone who is open minded and weighs all possibilities before settling on any opinion. Someone who is curious about life.
Confident.
Someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Someone who does not have to brag about their accomplishments or feel the need to prove themselves with insincere dominance. Someone who can be a leader and a follower. Someone who knows their worth and their value. Someone who understands that they will have moments where they don’t believe in themselves, but overall, loves themselves and what God has placed inside of them.
Discernment.
Someone who does not immediately and impulsively makes decisions, jump to conclusions, or act in self interest. Someone who takes a moment to weigh the options, consider others as well as themselves, and to do the right thing even when it is hard. Someone who chooses the people in their lives carefully and doesn’t let just anyone influence them. Someone with a good judge of character who has high standards for both themselves and everyone in their close circle.
Values people.
Someone who puts the people in their lives over superficial things. Someone that, when it comes down to it, would choose their family first before all else. Someone who understands that while security, financial stability, and success are important, that life is empty without the ones you love near to you- and taken care of both emotionally and spiritually.
Wise.
Someone who has the wisdom to distinguish between extremes. Who knows both sides of the equation and can factor in the positives and negatives. Someone who can find the middle ground, be the peace in chaos, and be slow to anger and judgement. Someone who seeks Godly wisdom above all other forms of it. Someone who seeks to grow others spiritually just as they seek to grow themselves.
Funny.
Someone who is light hearted. Someone who does not laugh at the expense of others, but rather looks for silver linings and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Someone who isn’t afraid to dance in public even if they have two left feet just because life is too beautiful not to enjoy it. Someone who can make light of their own mishaps and the silly moments of real life into inside jokes. Someone who loves to be around other people, who loves to pour into community, who brings a smile and a hearty laugh to all they meet.
Determined.
Someone who carries themselves with discipline, who cares deeply about the work they do. Someone who is driven and motivated to make the most of each moment while also realizing the benefits of rest. Someone who is not only determined to succeed, but also to live life in a fulfilling and healthy fashion; thriving in moments of laughter, rest, joy, and creativity as well. Someone who is determined to live each season to its fullest potential. Someone who is value-oriented more so than goal-oriented.
There are some other important qualities as well, the same ones as last week! He should be a great communicator, care about his wellbeing, know how to set healthy boundaries, be independent, forgiving, and open to compromise! He should share your value system and want the same things as you in the long run.
One final thing I will mention is this- there is a difference between a man who “respects” you and a man who protects you. If you tell him you want to wait for marriage and he only respects that decision, he will be just fine if you change your mind. Respect doesn’t hold you accountable. However, a man who protects you will. This is because he cares about your goals, values, and why you have them. The same goes with any decision you make! Say you set a goal of finishing a book you’ve been writing by the end of 2021. A man who only respects the fact that you set a goal will not push you when you are discouraged and want to quit. A man who protects your heart and mind won’t let you give up.
A man who protects you will encourage you, keep you grounded, and help you get to the finish line. A man who protects you will be your biggest cheerleader, supporter, and teammate. When you’re down, he will pick you up and get you moving again. He is concerned with you living your life to the absolute fullest potential. And you deserve NOTHING less than that.
Yes, this blog sets some really high standards for men. But I would like to believe that a man who aims for this depth of quality is not only out there for me, but out there for all of the incredible, beautiful, priceless women I know. I believe in you men out there! Keep aiming high. :)
See you next Sunday,
-Lexi Cummings
