2. What Makes a Woman Wife Material
12/4/20
Hi!
As promised, I am back with part two of my five-part series! Because I am a female, I am writing based off of personal observations but more so on the feedback I received from men much like I did the last time around. I made sure to get high quality men from a variety of age groups, backgrounds, and perspectives. So I hope this is helpful for you ladies! If anyone feels like I missed something or could have done more justice to a certain point, please reach out and let me know.
As well as explaining good qualities, I will do my best to also explain what you should watch out for as well. So pay close attention to my elaborations!
Now here goes!
She is slow to anger and genuinely kind-hearted.
The way a woman handles conflict says it all. Does she have to win at any expense? Or is she more concerned with compromise, fairness, and finding a fruitful solution?
Does she truly forgive once a dispute has been settled or does it seem to linger in the air and be used for ammunition later down the road?
Is she a seeker of truth? Does she rejoice in truth? Does she protect truth? Whether it comes to you or to her friends, family, and work, watch for her intentions in any relationship.
Does she quickly jump into defense mode, raise her voice, and fight to have more power in conflicts before you even realized there was one? Don’t get me wrong- some discussions get heated. Sometimes she is only matching the energy you give her so that you don’t stomp on her. So don’t take this as a blanket statement for your own benefit. This is a warning that some women can be manipulative and discard your genuine concerns when she doesn’t want to change, reacting in this way instead.
The aftermath of this will be your hesitance to ever say anything that you think could set her off. You will be nearly afraid to say or do anything that you think could cause a problem with her because the process of getting past conflict is so stress-inducing. Watch out for women like this!
She doesn’t need a man and can call him out when need be because of it.
A good partner is secure in their own self. Which means they have their own life! Their own friends, hobbies, thoughts, and desires. Someone who constantly prioritizes you and your friends and your aspirations over her own will lose herself over the years. It may not happen immediately, but it will come.
You need a woman who challenges you to grow because she leads by example. Don’t be intimidated by this kind of queen, EMBRACE HER. NEVER LET HER GO. Because trust me- she isn’t afraid to go solo if she isn’t being treated in the way she knows she deserves.
She doesn’t engage in/create unnecessary drama.
You will likely see this amongst her external relationships before you discover it within your own. So pay VERY close attention here because I cannot tell you how many men completely ignore and blow past this issue.
Does she constantly talk of this friend, that friend, this person out to get her, this issue and that issue? Is she negative? Do you notice that friends seem to fly in and out of her life? Do you notice that seemingly out of nowhere, you are asked to not engage with one of her friends for some fall out that you weren’t even aware of?
Do you notice that she talks negatively about one of her friends but always hangs out with them anyway? Do you notice that a lot of people seem to avoid intimacy with her or avoid talking about her with you? You will feel a general distance between yourself and the people she engages with if they view her as drama. By you dating her, you become associated with her habits even if they have nothing to do with you.
She is passionate about her goals and has personal ambitions.
This goes hand in hand with number two!
Watch out for a woman without a sense of direction.
This doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to grow, change course, or make decisions later down the road that look different than her goals when you first met her. This means that she should be aiming towards something in general. She should be passionate about things, about people, about things that stir her heart. She should be working towards goals.
If you meet a woman who is complacent, stagnant, and unmotivated, she is not in a healthy place to be in a relationship.
She is trustworthy, loyal, and consistent.
Times will get tough, that is inevitable. Does the prospect of this scare you? Are you nervous to see what she will do when life isn’t simple? Do you fear that she won’t be able to stand by you when times get tough?
Yes, she will have up and down periods just like you. Sometimes the weight will have to shift for a period of time until you can meet in the middle again. But when the weight shifts on you, do you trust her to be your partner? To lift you up when you’re down, take care of you when you’re sick?
If you find a woman that you can trust without a doubt in this category, consider yourself incredibly blessed and honor her always.
She is supportive and helps you to grow in healthy ways.
In our culture, there is an overwhelming pressure on men to provide. For women it is still generally accepted as a choice but for men there isn’t much of an option. Now don’t get me wrong- women even in a traditional role have quite a job to do as well. I am not discounting any role that anyone plays here! Just highlighting how men feel for a quick moment.
If you find a woman who supports you, bring you back down to earth when you get caught up in that mentality, and challenges you in good ways that are for your benefit, you’ve found a keeper.
Say she ends up being the main provider instead of you- these qualities don’t change, they just show up differently. If you would like a more specific take on your situation, please message me. I can only cover so many scenarios here! :)
She is positive. Not because she is ignorant to struggle, but because she has mental strength!
No, she cannot be positive 24/7. She will complain sometimes, feel discouraged, unmotivated, and sad. But the general essence of her being will still be uplifting if she carries herself in this way!
Positivity isn’t a convenient choice, it is a mindset you have to adopt daily. If she is resilient, doesn’t give up, and always looks for the silver lining, know that she works to be that woman every single day. She has been battle tested and she has persevered. And you would be extremely lucky to have her by your side as you continue on this journey of life.
She loves and gets along with your family.
This one is tough because not everyone has a healthy family dynamic if they even have one at all. So take this point with a grain of salt!
For the sake of the blog, let’s imagine an ideal scenario- say you have a healthy, supportive family unit. If she doesn’t make an effort to know them, be kind to them, or to engage with them, why is that? She likely wants to isolate you and control you if she doesn’t like your family for no apparent reason. This is of course assuming they’ve made the effort with her as well and have tried to invite her in.
Families are tough. Maybe she loves your family but her family isn’t doing great and they don’t love you! That happens. A lot. Again, message me with specifics if you need more advice.
People with a good family unit, even people with complicated family units should still want their significant other to care about where they came from. So watch to see how she treats her family and how she treats yours. Because a healthy person will care about family and how they fit into that dynamic of your life. They will be excited to learn more about you and your roots!
She shares similar values and morals.
This is a point you can’t really compromise much on. If you don’t share the same faith, ideas about right and wrong, material values, such and so on, a longterm relationship is likely going to be more trouble than it is worth.
Some potentially negotiable ones are as such:
Do you both want kids? How many? At what age?
Where do you want to live? Do you want a big house or a small one, a city vibe or a small town lifestyle?
How do you plan to raise your family? Will the kids be going to church and if so, at what age? What type of schooling experience are you going to give them?
Financially, who plays what role? How much do you need to support the life you want?
This is a tough and multi-faceted concept. And it is all too easy to fall in love with someone who doesn’t have the same goals as us in the long run. A lot of things can be negotiated if you try, but some things are much tougher. Such as ethics, faith, and morality. My biggest hope with bringing this up is that you make sure these conversations are well had before you tie the knot and your connection becomes a legal matter. These aren’t things you just want to bet on being able to work out later!
She is self-aware, intellectual, and responsible.
Looks fade with age. And while physical attraction matters, the depth of your emotional intimacy is what will truly stand the test of time. You need someone by your side who is aware of themselves and open minded. You need someone who loves to learn, explore, and talk about things that really matter.
Responsibility comes with awareness- If she finds herself in a motivational rut, can she first notice it and then ask herself what the root issue really is? If she snaps at you for something that you don’t understand, does she have the ability to think it through and figure out where that hurt place really stems from? Skills like this are invaluable in a lifelong partner.
She has a similar sense of humor and loves to have fun!
FUN!!! Life is already so hard. If your partner is constantly uptight, serious, angry, and unamused by your silliness, things will only feel harder.
Obviously it isn’t all on the woman to be joyful and you should always step back to look at yourself first before you judge her attitude. If she is happy around other people and not you, it may be an issue that you are the root of.
In general- Does she find your quirky habits entertaining? Is she silly with you? Spontaneous with you? Does the prospect of an adventure with her bring you stress or joy?
If she isn’t your very best friend, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You deserve a best friend. You deserve someone to laugh with and dance with and sing with and explore with. Don’t settle for less.
She cares about her health and wellbeing.
This one pretty much explains itself! Obviously, you want any motivation for working out and eating healthy to come from a good place. She doesn’t have to have abs and a fitness account on instagram or be a chef to check this box either, by the way.
This is a girl who gets her yearly check ups, who cares what fuels her body because it effects how she functions, who has a schedule for waking up and going to bed, who goes on that mile walk most evenings to relax after a day at work. If she takes care of herself, it will motivate you to take care of you. And you will both be around longer!
Does she keep a clean living space? Does she take care of her belongings and keep track of her bills and other responsibilities? These things matter! If she stays on top of daily life things, it means she is protecting her mental sanity in the long run.
She is a great communicator.
Another one that explains itself!
If you are with someone who gaslights, avoids conflict, manipulates, etc, run.
Your partner should not only be a great communicator, but find joy in communicating well. It should give her peace to hash out difficult topics with you because she knows that it builds your trust in each other and skills as a team! You are, in fact, a team. And teams will always fail when they communicate poorly. So tough convo or not, she is willing to go there with you!
She is confident in herself.
She doesn’t need the affirmation of other men to feel good about herself.
She is secure in her identity and in what she brings to the table.
She doesn’t tolerate disrespect and knows her value.
She sets healthy boundaries for herself.
On that note of not tolerating disrespect, this point goes hand in hand. She will not only refuse to tolerate disrespect from others, but she won’t tolerate it from herself either.
The ability to set boundaries is her saying she respects herself in the way she also expects others to do.
In order to maintain her peace and wellbeing, she will have boundaries set with you, family, friends, work, and any other aspects of her life.
Yes, this is tricky to do and sometimes you may need to give her a gentle reminder to take a spa day or relax or pull back in a certain area. The larger point is that she makes an effort to balance her roles and stay well-rounded.
That is my list for you today! I will absolutely tell you that if you find a woman who strives in these areas, don’t let her go. And for my ladies out there- don’t let this list overwhelm you! I know that even typing it out made me anxious. 😂
We will not always hit every point perfectly and we know that. Our partners also know this! We are human and anyone who loves us well will gently guide us in the right ways and not hold a list like this over our heads. It is more so intended to remind the men of what they need in a life partner and for us women to use as a reference while we continue growing.
Here are some fun Bible verses for you on the topic as well!
I hope y’all are ready for my husband material list next week!! Love you guys. :)
Happy Sunday,
-Lexi Cummings
