Encouragements
Hey:)
I am going to stick with encouragements for a while and not dip into my life in any specific way. Just hasn’t felt right for a long time. However, I still want to post and be around for you all! So, here goes. ❤️
You belong. Sometimes it’s hard to find community, sometimes it’s right under your nose and you have just been too hurt to really try and pursue it. Sometimes it takes years to cement and we don’t know how to keep pushing through the discomfort of that. But just know you do belong. It’s okay not to do it all alone. There are people who are going to love you and take you in and feel honored to know you.
If you are going to constantly pray the prayer, “God, grow me and shape me and help me to know/love you better every day…” just know that your life will probably get complicated. There won’t be many comfortable or safe moments. You will probably feel pretty lonely as well. You’ll lose things and gain things you never thought you’d lose or gain. And honestly, I don’t have much of a resolution for this one right now. I just know that God is with me still and I am trying every day to let that be enough. Know I am praying for you if you find yourself in a similar spot. :)
Good things take time. It sounds extremely cliché, but it is true. A lot of times, it is really easy to walk away when something gets hard. I have been guilty of this more times than I can count. So have some grace with your shortcomings and start learning how to sit with your limited time and all of the things you’d like to pursue- What is worth it? What isn’t?
I think of it this way, and sorry to be morbid… lol. But if you were laying on your death bed at the end of a long life, what would matter most to you?
For me, I know that before all else, I want a family. I don’t want anything beautiful in my life without people to share it with. I try to imagine all of my dreams coming true and the thought of that genuinely feels void without also pondering the question of who I want next to me when I get there. If you’re like me, then that means the most uncomfortable thing you’ll ever do is love deeply. Unconditionally. Why? Because there are no guarantees. Anyone can leave you or pass away at any time and you have to find a way to accept that without giving less of yourself.
Take this moment to reflect a bit. Whatever you come up with from this question, think of a few ways to prioritize it. Or thank yourself for already prioritizing it if you have been.
Be patient with the things you choose. I will be praying that there is so much abundance in those things for you. :)
What is your boat? Last Sunday, my pastor preached a sermon on Matthew 14:22-33 where Peter walks on water to meet Jesus and the rest of the disciples stay in the boat. Long story short, you can stay in the boat and still experience God and witness God and cheer on those who take the plunge by stepping out. But for you specifically- what is your comfort zone and what is your uncomfortable risk?
Mine surprised me. But it also took a second for me to unpack, lol. In essence, being alone is my boat. I feel so much safer when no one really knows much about me. I feel safe when no one sees who I truly am. I feel safe when I am single and don’t have to see all of my scars reflected back at me. I feel safe only letting people see the parts of me that I want them to see. The scariest thing I could ever, ever imagine? Being truly known and loved and still left. So my version of Peter walking on water (in every season of my life) has been learning how to love and be loved- knowing that I will inevitably have to live into that wound for as long as I’m alive in one way or another. I’ve experienced heartbreak, death, all the things. And that is going to keep happening. So I have to keep learning to let my walls down and love in the midst of it.
Think about your boat and your walking on water moment. What does that look like for you? Is it scary to genuinely love and be loved back whether that be a grandparent, friend, SO, or someone else? Is it scary to move away from home? Is it scary to start your own business? Is it scary to put your pride aside and own up to something from your past? To be vulnerable? Sit with that for a few minutes. How can you give God the opportunity to show you his faithfulness by stepping out? How can you lay your will down in exchange for His?
Life is wonderful and beautiful. Go outside, pet some puppies, eat some comfort food, have a movie night with friends. Choose to see the soft, the simple.
You are intentional. You are talented. You are purposeful. You are beautiful. You are growing. You are kind. Everything is going to be okay.
Love you all. :)
-Lexi Cummings